Life Will Never Be The Same

On August 2, 2012 my life changed forever.  My hero passed from this world, my Dad, David Andrew Starnes.  I know that God has a plan and a reason for everything.  I do not question God's timing.  It does not take away the hurt and pain that I now have, but I hope with time and prayer that God will heal my heartache.  Most days I am selfish and wish he was still here with us.  My dad's last days on this earth were full of suffering and pain.  During that last month I prayed that his suffering would not last and he would not linger here.  My prayers were answered, and after his passing I reflected on those prayers and wondered if that was what I really wanted.  I could not imagine him still being here in the state that he was in.  I can assure you that this is the hardest thing that I have to walk through as an adult and it has proven to me just how strong my faith is.  I could not imagine going through this without the support that my faith, family and church family have given me.  I know that this is the course that life takes.  The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. 

The Lord blessed us with two more years with my dad.  Two years that the doctors said would never happen.  I feel very blessed to have had those years.  We spent a lot of time with my Dad.  My Dad was able to live a very fulfilling life in those twenty four months.  After his surgery on July 1, 2010 he was only slowed down for about a month.  He was a fighter!  Some may say stubborn.  If you knew my Dad you would agree.   He begged me to let Andrew go to Texas with him during last Thanksgiving.  I had my mind made up on the matter...NO.  Andrew was not going to Texas, almost to the Mexican boarder, and missing Thanksgiving.  My Dad knew that his time was limited and all he had to say was, "Please Amanda, I won't be here this time next year.  Please, it's a once in a lifetime trip."  I am so thankful that I let him go.

My life will never be the same...my children's life will never be the same.  He was such a big part of our life.  I live next door to my parents.  My mom watched all 3 of my children before they started school.  My Dad took my kids everywhere, hunting, fishing, 4-wheeler riding, to Wal-Mart...lol.

My Dad and Nathan Fishing at the pond by our house.  They would go just about everyday.  My six year old had his moment a few weeks ago, when he realized that Grandaddy wasn't going to be able to take him fishing anymore.  He sobbed, I wept.

This was at my Dad's Surprise 60th Birthday Party in April.  I was born seven days after his 30th birthday.

Dave in a suit!  You didn't see that much!  I can tell you he really didn't want to wear it that night, especially without his hat!

It's been almost 2 months...I cry almost everyday.  I know that time will help heal my pain.  I just don't want to believe that it's real...I'm sure that will never change.  I can tell you that I miss every single thing about him!